I think I’ve Cracked the Code

Once upon a time there was a lovely couple who had a beautiful, little boy. He was a sweet, sensitive, and compliant child, who often said “I love you mom” for no reason at all. His parents could take him in public, knowing that he would be tantrum-free, and knowingly smile at each other, as little hellions at adjacent tables in restaurants tortured their parents.

Then he went to Kindergarten.

The last couple months have suddenly becomes a constant battle of the wills. Ours against Jake’s. Not that I expect Jake to be a perfectly submissive child who always says “yes mommy.” That would weird me out. In fact, I’m perfectly ok with him saying “no” every now and again. That’s not such an easy thing to teach to adults you know. I’ve only just started figuring that one out myself.

But it’s the back talk that unravels me. The need to work “poop” and “pee” into every sentence. The constant whittling away at my self control until I hear myself sounding like a Very Bad Mom. I want to beg of him, “please don’t make me a yeller.” Mikey and I try to be very strict about presenting a united front. I make a point not to contradict him, even when I disagree, and he does the same. But still, this little bugger is learning to master the fine art of Divide and Conquer. And how to embarrass me in front of people. How naive was I to think that with only one little man to focus all of our loving disciplinary attention on, we wouldn’t go through that?

So Mikey and I banded together, determined to outwit him. We strategized together, plotting different methods of discipline. But the Naughty Chair just doesn’t work anymore. And we’re not spankers. We needed to figure out his currency. (Sorry, I know I watch too much Dr. Phil.) Turns out that Disney-masterminded robot creature that won’t be in theaters until June is his currency. And we decided Jake needed to earn the money through good behavior to see the movie. It was Jake who actually suggested the penny jar. Apparently, that is something good that’s coming from Kindergarten. The kids earn pennies that they can use to buy dollar store junk that clutters up my house. But I digress.

So we started a penny jar. When he puts his clothes away, picks up his toys, puts his dishes in the dishwasher (it’s no secret I’d have him doing laundry if he was only tall enough), he earns pennies. When he turns mouthy, I take some out of the jar.

It’s magic. A beautiful thing. My sweet little boy is coming back to me. When Jake was a baby, I got this book. I haven’t picked it up in several years, because Jake was really too young for anything to apply when I got it. But I suspect there are some tips in there I should revisit.

This parenting thing is getting harder all the time.